Bring It On

When I was a young boy, years ago, I used to dream of living in New York City. (I'm twenty-four years old. I've come to a point in my life where I can say "years ago" and it actually means "years ago." (i.e. "Oh, of course, Club Shelter. I went there years ago," or "Years ago, I was often mistaken for a lesbian.")) Somehow, to me, New York City was this incredible force that would solve all of my problems and even moreso, elevate me to levels of fabulousness that I could only imagine. Weekend trips to New York in high school were always filled with thoughts of my future life there. And, to you "NYC-is-the-best" skeptics, my idealization of NYC wasn't all based on cultural/media propaganda or geographical bias (as, I certainly did grow up right outside New York City). There was some of my own logic that went into perceiving New York City as paradise.

That is, it's undeniable that New York City is a veritable "best-of capital" of the world. Arguably, NYC is home to the best food, the best nightlife, the best art, the best theater, the best music, the best fashion, the best ________. Fill in the blank. Chances are New York City is at the top of the list; or at least pretty close. And in housing all of these "bests", NYC, in some way, houses the best people in the world.

This was my logic. I thought, if I could be amongst the best, I would become the best. I would find a great job. I would find cultural edification. And, there was also the issue of love. I thought, with statistical certainty, there would be a greater volume of queer people in New York City. And there wouldn't be as much ingrained racism in the dating-culture in New York; the people there were more worldly and wouldn't look at me differently for being brown-skinned. The numbers would be in my favor in New York City.

On September 11, 2007, a day marred with the memory of destruction and violence, my two best friends and I moved to Manhattan. It was, no exaggeration, a dream come true.

"Here I am, New York City," I thought. "Bring on the energy. Bring on the people. Bring on the Life."

It has been seven months now. I can't say nothing has happened. I got a great job with a major pharmaceutical company. I'm almost sure that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in New York. I worked at Dolce & Gabbana. I met some great people. I got some amazing clothes. I went to a few memorable parties. I essentially got everything I wanted. But for the past few weeks, I've been wondering, "Is this all?"

I wondered, "where's the feeling of excitement that used to seem synonymous with this city? Where's the feeling of certainty that I'm spending the days of my precious youth prudently? And, where's my great transforming love?"

But the truth is, I was being hasty. Like the buds appearing on trees, I've been finding traces of hopefulness surfacing in myself after a very long absence (one that extended far past the onset of last winter). And my questions were good; they have kept me treading on the path towards contentment and self-betterment. If I got everything I wanted now; what kind of story would that be?

I'll tell you: a mighty boring one.

The question is not, "Is this all"? The question is, "Where do I look next?" Because, what is the most remarkable thing about New York City and its "bests", is the assurance of limitless chance. Anything is possible. Anything.

And that is the answer to my first two questions. Excitement is the feeling of liveliness in the light of possibility. Sometimes our dreams come true and in their wake, we forget what they have afforded us. Now that I live in New York City, it's harder to recognize it, but nothing has changed: New York still remains a pressure-cooker filled with millions of rare and high-quality molecules waiting to react. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And of course, providing myself with the most opportunity possible is reason enough to feel certain of the prudent use of my youth.

As far as "transforming love" goes; well damn girl, I love New York City a whole lot. But I don't know if she's going to cut it. I'll have to get back to you on this one. For the time being, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

With my eyes open, and my blessings counted, I feel like I'm on my way. So I'll say it again:

Here I am, New York. Bring on the energy. Bring on the people. Bring on the Life.